Man Vs. Moment

Is it possible to separate the man from the moment, or are they forever linked and inseparable? That is the question that has been going through my head the last few days. A few months ago Lance Armstrong admitted to using performance enhancing drugs while winning the Tour De France, this week Oscar Pistorius stands trial, accused of murdering his girlfriend. I rooted for these men to succeed, I was inspired by the obstacles they had overcome, and now I have to decide if that inspiration is tainted.

I have never cared about cycling, I don't even know how to ride a bike, so why would I want to watch hundreds of men peddle through the south of France? Lance Armstrong was why, I watched his story of overcoming testicular cancer that had spread to his brain and to his lungs. He was told by doctors that he had less than a 40% chance of survival, and yet he not only survived, he became a champion and started a foundation for others who fought cancer, how could I not have rooted for him?

Oscar Pistorius was born without a fibula in both legs, and at just 11 months old he had his legs amputated. That didn't stop him, he wanted to run, and with the help of prosthetics did just that, running so fast he won multiple medals at the paralympic games. Still he wanted more, he wanted to run against able bodied men, to compete against the very best. At first he was told no, told that a man without legs somehow had an advantage over a man blessed with two, but he fought on and in 2012 competed in the London Games as a representative of South Africa. He made it to the semi finals of the 400 meter before finishing last in his heat, but he finished. A man born without fibulas crossed the finish line in the Olympics. How could I have not rooted for him?

Scandal has now engulfed both of these men, but does it have to engulf me and my memories as well? My answer to this is no. This is the story of my life, and those moments aren't about them, but about how they changed me. I can take that moment and feeling of inspiration it gave me and use it whenever I need to. That moment and this moment are not linked by chains, but by simple string, string that I can cut at my choosing. Their future failures (alleged and admitted) can not take away from me. Those men are human, they can fail, be corrupted, or change... but those moments can not be changed for they are perfect. I am a better man for those moments, and nothing those men do, now or in the future, will change that simple truth. 

The ways we judge

There’s a boy at my school named Eli. He’s quiet and tall with bad asthma and a terrible stutter, and one of the first things he said to me was “The EpiPen is in the front pocket of my bag.” I’m not an easy person to make friends with, but we wound up eating lunch together every day and searching for two empty seats in our classes. A few weeks ago I told him something that I don’t trust everybody with, because I thought he deserved to know before our relationship went any farther. He hasn’t been able to look me in the eyes ever since.

At first I soothed the pain by laughing about it, and then by thinking up all the horrible things I would say to him if he ever tried to be my friend again. I wanted to tell him where to cram all his condescending pity, that stupid, bigoted, chauvinistic jerk!

And then I realized that all of that was exactly what I didn’t like in him—exactly what he’d done to me to hurt me in the first place. He had judged me, branded me, put his labels ahead of whatever friendship we might’ve had. It would be useless to retaliate by doing the same thing.

So today I wrapped the birthday present I’d bought him back before all this happened, two grass-colored notebooks with a sticky-note stashed inside that says "Because you told me your favorite color is green.”

Because you used to be my friend.

Because you made me smile when I was sad.

Because I cared for you once, and because I don't believe there's any such thing as falling out of love.

Because you brought me hope, and laughter, and frustration, and tears.

Because you are human, and I am human, and that is enough.


-Amanda